The purpose of problem solving is to reach a solution, not gain a victory.
Effective problem solving occurs when emotions are low to moderate not intense. If emotions are intense, problem solving should cease and actions should occur which lower the level of emotions.
Five outcomes to problem solving
1. Genuinely
agree to one persons perspective
2. Genuinely
reach a compromise
3. Genuinely
agree to disagree
4. Reach
no solution and repeat the cycle later
5. End the relationship
Effective problem solving works toward the first three outcomes.
Steps to problem solving:
1. Find
a time convenient to both husband and wife
2. Define
the problem
a. State
your position
b. Discuss
underlying concerns
3. Brainstorm
possible solutions
4. Eliminate
unacceptable solutions
5. Choose
the best solution
6. Implement
the solution
7. Follow
up after the solution is in place a while.
Dealing with “emergency” situations:
1. The person with responsibility in that area, makes the
decision
2. The person with the most investment make the decision
3. After 1 or 2 above, when there is more time, use the
steps to problem solving if the emergency situation might arise again. This
should result in an agreed upon solution to use in similar future
circumstances.
Dealing with trivial or mundane decisions, e. g., what
restaurant to eat at or what movie to see.
1. In the first instance, person A gives three choices and
person B chooses one of the three choices
2. In the next instance, person B gives three choices and
person A chooses one of the three choices
3. Alternate back and forth.